An American:
- We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
An Italian:
- We have Silvio Berlusconi, no wonder, no hope and no cash.
- All is a shitting, except the pissing, but the pissing becomes a shitting if you piss against the wind.
- Why didn't the sailors play cards?
- Because the captain was sitting on the deck.
- Why dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer?
- Because the grass tickles their balls!
- What is the difference between the tires Good Year and 365 used condoms?
- 365 used condoms are VERY good year.
- What Bill Gates' wife says him when they make love?
- Bill, you are so MICRO, you are so SOFT.
A group of spermatozoa march. Unexpectedly, the spermatozoon guides stops:
- Stop! Treason! The ass!!!
- Who has invented the love?
- The poor, so they can fuck for free.
Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays:
- What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?
- Hundred dollars, as usual.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: She is expecting triplets.
Very bad: You were sterilized five years ago.
Good: Your wife doesn't talk to you.
Bad: She wants divorce.
Very bad: She is a lawyer.
Good: Your son is growing up.
Bad: He has a relationship with a whore from the neighborhood.
Very bad: Just like you.
Good: You are explaining to your daughter about birds and bees.
Bad: She interrupts you.
Very bad: And corrects you.
Good: Your son has a serious relationship.
Bad: The relationship is with a man.
Very bad: With your best friend.
Good: Your daughter has a good job.
Bad: She is a whore.
Very bad: She earns much more than you.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You have found porn videos in his room.
Very bad: You and your wife are the main actors.
Two policemen are going to work:
- Shall we take a bus or walk?
- Well, lets see what arrives first.
A policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His boss starts to yell at him:
- You are ruining police reputation, go home and change the shoes.
The policeman goes home, and comes back after a while.
- Boss I have a problem, the other pair of shoes at home are black and white, too.
- Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?
- ???
- The stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don’t exist.
Two policemen are in a patrol car:
- Could you check if the directionals work on your side of the car?
The other policeman looks through the window and says:
- Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...
In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him:
- John, why aren’t you writing?
- I’m exhausted because of sex.
- That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.
A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband:
- Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
While making love, he says:
- Darling, let's do 68!
- 68??? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one.
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
- Gorgonzola!
- Wait, it is not on yet.
Two friends:
- Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
- Of course! How many people are coming?
- Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
One woman stops a taxi.
- To the airport, please.
After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:
- You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
- Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
- Well, you haven’t arrived to the airport yet neither.
One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.
- Why do Scots watch porn films from the end to the beginning?
- Because they like a happy ending, when the prostitute gives the money back to the client.
A Scot came back from work earlier than usual and saw a plumber's car in the front of his house.
- Oh my God, I hope it is her lover.
Nema komentara:
Objavi komentar